Time

In a few hours it will be 2015 and as much as I try and embrace the new year for me NYE has always been one of my least favorite holidays. Just hearing that song and the countdown stirs in me the deepest sadness. What is it that I can't accept that another year has passed that every job every day on set blurs into
Each other is it a reminder that I haven't done enough? That I squandered the year in
Fleeting moments of happiness? There were plenty of New Years in my 20's where totally obliterated I never even made it until
Midnight. Now older I am fully aware of my surroundings and I can't escape any of it. I do not miss my self destruction
It was not pretty or glamorous in any way shape or form
But it was a friend albeit a dangerous one.
I face 2015 with the knowledge I'm
Surrounded my good friends and that makes it ok so here is to a new one.
Love and Luck

Sketching Stars with Ink

Oh universe
With your dark nights of booze filled comets
Leaving trails of spark and decay
Like glitter leftover from a teenage party

Oh universe
Vacuous hole taking us all into the fold
Then spitting us out old, to lick our wounds
Delicate scrapes in the shapes of planets
Yet to be discovered

What have you given us? But stardust...
What have you given us that we have not
Tried to find ourselves?
If only for a fragile second
With our strung out hearts
With our simple minds

Oh universe
How you have stretched and bloated over time
Will it be you who gives birth
To a new night?
To a new star so bright that it refuses to burn out
To die

With ink I sketch the stars
Knowing time is heartbreaks alarm clock

Little Wing

Birds falling from Trees
Is a metaphor really for life
How we are all just dropped out of the ether to live
Some with better starting points than others. Some with better mama birds. Others without protection at all. I have always been fascinated with the idea that on some level we are connected by the fact we are human beings but at the same time for that reason alone we remain disconnected. I use to meditate daily and this opened up worlds and inner parts of myself I never knew possible. I say use to because now it is a thing with me a practice but it isn't everything. God alone as Parmahansa Yoganada wrote ️yes when I'm falling I remember that and I'm falling all the time. I had a blog on here with some friends called bornlosers and it was a sort of an inside joke. I reread some of my entries and its funny because on some ways I'm NOT that girl at all anymore and in others shades of her still exists in me. Time it leaves its own watermarks some to be wiped away others to be gently admired.